I hate when I feel like there's something I could be doing or there's something I want to do but I just don't know what it is. Take today for example. I wake up, and I want to go out and about and do something, but what? And with whom? There's no one. Everyone's either busy or too far away. Then, when I know there's no one to do anything with, I completely lose the motivation to do anything, period. I hate that. :) Unlike Laz, I don't like to sit around and veg out on my days off. I like to get out and do something either fun or constructive after catching up on sleep. But that rarely happens, and I don't care enough about college football to veg out and watch it on Saturdays anyway. Maybe I'll start packing shit up, but I don't even want to do that right now...but I have to start sometime.

I talked to my friends from Missouri, and it won't be another year or so before they can think about moving up here. That's too bad. But one of them is coming up this week to visit one of her longtime friends, so we'll probably hang out at some point, which is cool. Don't know why the guy friend isn't coming with her, since they're dating and he's really only employed freelance or whatever...I guess to save money. That's cool.

Butch just called and told me that the landlord agreed to change the lease-signing date to the 27th, which is fantastic. That means that I can spread the rent over two paychecks, which is what I was planning on doing from the start. Thank God. That means I don't have to borrow money from someone. Thank God.

There's a part of me that fears this move. That fears that this will change my life in a big way, bigger than I can imagine. Better or worse? I don't know. Usually, change is exciting. I like change. But for whatever reason, now I'm not such a fan of change. It just doesn't seem like this will be as much fun as my life has been out here in The Brook because I'm going to have to count every penny. Plus, I fear that some friends I have will simply fall by the wayside because of where I'm living. Yes, I'm moving to a more centrally located spot, but for some of my friends, it's not a good spot. There are a couple of people I really fear will never see my new apartment because they'll never come by. Yes, I know that means they're not really friends or don't care and that I should treat them the way they do me, but they'd never see that, and then they'd get angry when I tell them I can't come to their places all the time. Man...I hate people. :) Am I an idiot for desiring the past? Am I stupid for wishing I could just make things stay the same way they are/were/have been? I guess the dream I had last night, in which my mind rehashed all the good times I've had with a friend of mine kind of put me in this mood. Normally that would have been a good dream and I would have woken up happy. I don't even know why my mind decided to have this dream. But with everything swirling around in my life right now, it did the opposite. The mind is just an amazing thing. Amazing and a pain in the ass. I just think too much. You know that saying, "An idle mind..." well, triple that for me. :)

I'm ready to go to sleep. I just got back awhile ago from softball and the bar afterward. We lost both games, one 9-6 and the next 14-11. In the second game, I was sliding into third, where the thirdbaseman was blocking the base. He caught the ball, and I made sure I slid into him spikes DOWN, so as not to hurt him when I tried kicking the ball out of his hands with the slide. So he tags me on the foot and then proceeds to shove my ankle into the ground. I was out, but I yelled "Hey, asshole, you trying to break my ankle?!" He got up and mumbled something. I got up, which most people typically do after they slide into a base, and he gives me a big shove in the back. I was about to turn around and say something, but my brother got in front of me and the ump was right there to scold the guy. What pissed all of us off was that he should have been tossed, immediately from the game for it. But the ump (who was doing a very bad job the entire game) said he wasn't going to toss the guy after what I called the guy (asshole). WTF? He didn't push me because I called him an asshole--he pushed me because he was a tough guy and thought I jumped up to get in his face, which I wasn't doing at all. I'm not stupid--this guy was far bigger than me and would've pummelled me AND my brother easily.

So my brother's calling the league to get this ump removed, because that's (a) poor umpiring, (b) and not safe. I was fuming the rest of the game, because the ump kept blowing calls...really bad ones too. I mean, if I were really a hothead, I probably could've started shit. But, I kept to myself for the most part and kept my mouth shut for the most part. Whatever. I had a great two games at the plate and a pretty decent day in right field, considering there was nothing I could do on the couple of rocket shots that were well over my head. I can feel that my arm is stronger and more accurate, and I don't feel as winded rounding the bases anymore. That's huge, and a main reason I'm playing in two leagues on three nights. Exercise is good. :)

We went to TC's, a sports bar that is now our sponsor, after the game. I didn't drink anything but water, which I'm proud of, and ate some pizza. That was cool. I played a bunch of songs on the jukebox and then left. Now I'm tired and want to sleep, so I will. My neck and back haven't bothered me since mid-day, so that's good. Much to figure out in my life tomorrow...I'll need a clear head.

Well, it's 1:30ish. I'm about to go eat out, likely for the last time in awhile. I have to save money now. I was explaining to Donna yesterday, prior to the crash, that apparently the only way I'm going to be able to afford to rent an apartment in the city is to FORCE myself to afford it. That means, I wasn't willing to make the sacrafices on my own accord, because I was living "in luxury" by not having to pay big-time rent...now I'll HAVE TO make those sacrafices.

The first month will be a feeling-out process, I suppose, where I really need to cut back on a lot. But, for now, I have to figure out how to bleed $475 out of today's paycheck to pay the first month's rent, if they indeed make us pay it next week when we sign the lease. Even though the realtor told us we'd have until Oct. 1 to pay it, which I can do because I get paid again before that. Ah well...we shall see what happens. I guess this is Test No. 1 in landlord-renter relations.

My neck and back definitely are sore today and a bit tight. I will still play softball later, because I'm needed. And maybe that will loosen up the muscles a bit. I really could use a shoulder rub...but I'm not asking anyone at work here to do it, that's for sure. :) So i guess I'm out of luck in that area. :)

I'll let Donna expound upon her travails in getting her car back later. I just hope the cop calls me to get a statement later...I didn't get his name, unfortunately. Ah well...we'll see what happens. Off to lunch now...

The Accident, from my perspective
Yes, you read it right: accident. You can get Donna's perspective at her blog, assuming she has time to post to it. :)

You read about how my day was earlier. Well, I had a softball game at 6 in Park Ridge. What a great defensive game, especially that I had at first base--didn't injure myself either and made only one error and a few stellar defensive plays. I was pleased. We won 3-1, probably the lowest-scoring 16-inch softball game I've ever been a part of. Afterward, I decided to meet up with Donna to grab a bite to eat and hang out. On our way back from Panera Bread in Oak Park, we were heading eastbound on 26th street. The following paragraph happened in about literally, five seconds' time.

We were cruising along, I have no idea what we were talking about. Up at the next intersection, I caught a car out of the "corner" of my line of sight flying, and I mean really moving, down this street Lombard toward 26th--there was no corner building, so we saw him early enough. The guy was doing 40-50 mph, easy, and the minute I saw him, I said, "Watch it, this guy isn't going to be able to stop!" with the intensity of my voice raising with each word as I realized that I was speaking the truth. He realized about five yards before the stop line that he was careening onto a two-way street and slammed on the brakes--I heard that much. I thought, oh, shit, I hope no one is coming from the other way and looked ahead to see a minivan headed westbound. It was too late. Donna, meanwhile, was doing the right thing and swerving to the right (the parking lane) in advance and slamming on her brakes. The Neon and the minivan hit on the front corners of the vehicles and immediately, physics took over and sent them toward us. I heard Donna say something like, "Oh shit..." and I said something to the effect of "Hang on..." They probably hit us at 30 mph or so, right on the driver's side front wheel. We were still in the process of stopping, but we were close to stopped, and we were still a good 15 yards west of the intersection. The minivan hit us dead on, but the Neon coasted behind us. We were hit to the side, so our heads snapped sideways. Donna tapped her head off the driver's side window--I didn't hit anything. It hit us on the side, so the airbags (thank God, I fear them) didn't go off, but far enough up so that we weren't hurt really at all.

We checked on each other and then got out of the car. Donna was able to open her door, but I had to nearly kick mine out hard to squeeze through because of the body torqued from the other side of the car. I got out and turned to the Neon, which was behind us, where the driver was still sitting, stunned and dazed and confused (if you get my drift). I said, "Don't you move, fuckhead, until the cops get here." I turned to where some drivers behind us were walking up to all of us and said, "Don't let him leave."

Then I turned my attention to the minivan, where this woman was just running around and screaming. Someone mentioned something about a kid being in the van, but I looked and there was no one...She had her one kid with her. And she was just screaming and screaming and screaming but said she was OK.

Donna and I decided that she should go to the hospital, just in case, because of the head injury. I felt fine, so I refused treatment. I don't know if I automatically went limp, or what...But I went with so she'd have someone to walk home with her (she lives a couple blocks from the hospital).

She got checked out and was OK. We left the hospital and hung out a little bit. I still felt OK...but now my shoulders and the lower part of my neck are a bit sore. They said that's normal and to just take Advil. Donna's car didn't look so good when we left in the ambulance, but I'm no damage assessor or anything, so we'll see. We don't even know where it was taken.

I'm just waiting now to give a statement to the police officer, since he didn't show up at the hospital in the two hours or so that we were there. Hopefully he calls me, as he has all my info.

Ah well...another exciting, fine day in the life of me. Now I'm actually tired though, now that my mind is shifting out of "Crisis Mode" and into "Normal Mode." Yeah...how was everyone else's days?

P.S.: I got the call from Butch saying our credit lines are OK, I guess...but now they want us to sign the lease next week, which means I gotta have the rest of the money by then. That's insane. I'm going to PLEAD with them to give me two more weeks...I don't know what to do about that, as I haven't really had time to think about it. :)

You're probably wondering what's up...well, I'm not telling. :P

OK, fine...not much is up other than I just spent a ton of money to hold this apartment, which I'm excited about...but there's part of me that's wistful too, as there always is when a major life change is happening. If I get this place, there will be a new me. There will have to be, regardless of desire, comfort, etc. I should know about my credit this evening, when Butch goes to turn in my app. and money as well as his. I'm a little nervous, but we'll see. Then, the landlord has to approve us too. We'll see how that goes.

Ah, September 11. Maybe I can blame my down-ness today on that. Maybe subconsciously I'm feeling down because of that. But I'm not going to fool myself into thinking I'm that compassionate. I, like most Americans, have moved on, past Sept. 11, since I wasn't directly affected by it. It's sad, yes, but it's a cold reality of living where we do I guess.

Sept. 11 was the scariest day of my life (so far). I woke up just after 9 a.m., and did not turn on the TV or radio for the first time in weeks (usually I check the Weather Channel before going to work) because I was running late. I let the dogs out, and as I was coming back in the house when the phone started ringing. Usually I don't answer the phone in the morning, particularly if I'm running late, but I figured I would. It was my roommate, at work. (These quotes are close to what was said.)
He said, "Are you seeing this?"
I said, "What?"
"Do you have your TV on?"
"No."
"You should turn it on."
"I'm running late, I can't turn the TV on. What's going on?"
"They just flew two planes into the Twin Towers in New York and the Pentagon in Washington."
"What? You're kidding me (not fully realizing even what he'd just said, and reaching to turn on the TV.)"
Me, again, seeing the smoking Twin Towers: "What the FUCK?!"
My roommate: "Yeah, well, we're not really working around here..."
"I'm gonna go...I'm speechless. I gotta get to work somehow anyway. I'll talk to ya later, OK?"
"OK."

I sat there for about 10 minutes getting an idea of what was going on, sorta, then got in the car and listened to the radio all the way to work. When the first tower collapsed (I think right after I turned the TV on), I still hadn't fully grasped what was going on, so it didn't hit me. But listening to whoever it was on the radio (the national broadcaster, whose name escapes me right now) just go dead silent after saying, somberly, "Oh my God...the second tower is collapsing now...Oh my God..." and thinking of all the people, I was so close to crying in the car on the highway at that moment. I managed to keep my composure and made it to work, where there was no work done. We all left work very early, trickled out here and there when we got tired of watching the events unfold on our TVs here.

I went home and was so shaken up. I walked down to the gas station, where prices were only slightly higher, but the lines of cars were soooooo long, because of the gas panic--remember that that afternoon/evening? I went there to pick up the special afternoon editions of the Sun-Times and Tribune, which I still have. I called Donna and she came over and we exchanged stories and tried to ease each others' fears. I talked to friends and family and exchanged stories there too and tried to ease fears that way too. I was so scared. So, so scared that day and most of the next. And the reason I was so scared was I didn't know what I was scared of. Throughout the day, I feared hearing that Chicago had been hit, because, in a weird way, it's a part of me. I think I would have lost it if Chicago in any way had been hit. It would have been too much.

However, the journalist in me always wondered...and wondered...and wondered. It sickened me, but there were times when I wish I were there observing and covering it--experiencing it and bringing it to people instead of having it brought to me. That's where the helplessness comes in. But that helplessness, I guess, served a purpose in the short term, in that so many people wanted to do SOMETHING to help, because the media brought it to them up close and personal, that so many people did so much to help--money, blood, donations, etc. Yeah, that's all gone now, but at least it helped me feel good about my profession for a time...helped me feel good about the blood-and-guts B.S. that broadcast "journalism" always puts out. Had people not seen the suffering, maybe they would have felt more distanced from it than they were. I don't know...

Anyway, I'm feeling down today...but everyone feels down every now and then...those voices in my head have just gotten the better of me today... :)

I have softball at 6, so maybe that will cheer me up. We shall see.

Well, we're going for this apartment. We'll turn in our applications the next day or so. Keep your fingers crossed! (So then you can help me move, but also so I'm closer to pretty much all of you. :) )

And, I didn't mention...I'm a touch concerned about my left pinkie finger. I played first base today, which I haven't played in years and years. In 16-inch, it's probably the most dangerous position, because you can jam, break or really injure your fingers if you don't know what you're doing. Hell, even if you know what you're doing, it's not always perfectly easy to cleanly catch a cantaloupe-sized ball hurtling at you with your bare hands. Well, I did a pretty crappy job, dropping a few that I should have caught. But, what's worse is the tip of my left pinkie is turning black and blue and swelling up. Now, I've jammed fingers before, pretty badly too. But I've never injured the tip of my finger like this. So, here's hoping I just jammed the tip of my finger and it'll be OK...I'm going to ice it a bit and see how that goes. I mean, I can type right now, which is a good sign, obviously. But we'll see.

All right...shower time and then to bed.

It's amazing how much life can change in a short seven hours. When last we left our hero, he was planning on heading to the Sox game tonight. However, his brother had to work late and brought the tickets to work with him (in Lombard), so our hero wasn't going to the Sox game tonight. Instead, our hero was asked by a coworker if he wanted to play softball. Our hero, being the softball addict he is, said sure, and trekked his way up to Park Ridge for some 16-inch softball action.

But first our hero looked at two apartments, one of which he completely loves and so does our hero's roommate. Ironically enough, it is on the same north-south street our hero and his roommate grew up on. The neighborhood is changing, dramatically, which is fine. It didn't seem bad at all. It's a brand new (as in, just gutted and redone) building northwest of North and Western, on the corner, which is OK with me. The apartment we'd get would be the first floor rear apartment, so we'd have this nice, big deck. Being on the first floor is huge, too. It's west of the heart of Bucktown by nearly a mile, but it's pretty close to the Blue Line. They want only $950 for this place, and Kazak would not cost extra. I'm telling you, this place is fantastic inside. We're probably applying for it tomorrow...it's so good. Butch saw it at 5:00, and called me and said I HAD TO see it, because it was this good...so I rushed up there with him before playing softball and fell in love with the place. The kitchen is GIGANTIC and the frontroom is really big too. This apartment blows away the other two we saw...just phenomenal. We saw another place on Damen tonight too...just north of North avenue, right in the heart of Bucktown. It was going for the same price, but it was a third floor place and not nearly as big as the first place...plus, the dudes living there (we walked through all their shit, b/c they don't move out until Oct. 1) were so damn messy, it ruined the feel of the place.

Ah well...hopefully this works out. :)

Oh yeah, and now, apparently, I'm playing softball on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. A buddy of mine at work is on a team that needed a player, so they asked me. We play on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Park Ridge. So that's cool...I'll keep playing, unless it's going to cost a million dollars or something. :)

Butch and I checked out apartments yesterday evening. We were supposed to look at five of them, via this apartment finding place. But we ended up seeing only two. The first one was practically across the street from Bar Thirteen, so I was sold on the location immediately. However, it had its problems...though I could live there. It was $955 two-bedroom with a very sizeable living room and good-sized kitchen. It was a rear apartment, which was nice because you couldn't hear the traffic on Damen at all. Lots of windows that actually looked out at yards and things instead of brick walls. It also had a nice-sized back porch. But, the laundry in the basement was really tough to get to, and there was like, zero storage space in the kitchen and bathroom. It's definitely an apartment I could live with, but it wasn't the kind that I would rent without seeing other places.

The second place we went to was up on Webster, between the Kennedy and Milwaukee Ave, if I remember right. Very nice neighborhood, as nice as Division and Damen, if not nicer. This place was huge, comparatively. It was a bi-level apartment (it had a loft, basically) and was nice. Except not for two roommates. It would have been good for one person or a couple. There were no doors on the downstairs bedroom, and there would have been lots of wasted space. As well as the loft and the bedroom, there was a den/office too. Like I said, lots of space, but laid out in such a way that it would be tough to work with with two people. The metal spiral staircase up to the loft was a nice touch, but it felt as though it was going to collapse when I walked on it. Plus, there's no way Kazak would ever go up those stairs, and if he did, he wouldn't do it well. And I'd bet he wouldn't go down. Just not safe at all for him. Like I said, if I were rich and living alone without a big dog, then yes, that would be great for me.

Otherwise, I guess we ran out of time looking at these apartments...we stopped after that and swung by Hawkeye's to catch the end of the Sox game and the Monday Night Football game and get some 10-cent wings. Nothing miraculous happened there...not that there ever is anything miraculous. We found out the apartment above Hawkeye's is for rent...hmmmm. Actually, you laugh, but we're kind of looking into it anyway. That wouldn't be bad at all to live in that area if it's cheap.

In other news...
Everyone just went to Fuddrucker's for lunch. I did not, because it's expensive. Though I'm stupid, because anywhere else I go to lunch, really, isn't going to be that much cheaper. Ah well...

I've created a new section, scrapping the in the car CD player thing, because I didn't update it much. Maybe this will last...maybe it won't.

My tooth is fine, Laz, thanks for asking. But my jaw and sinuses on the left side where the doctor numbed me up feel funny today. Probably a combination of allergies and the anesthetics. My dentist is great though...he filled the cavity in about 15 minutes, tops. It took longer for the anesthetics to kick in, which we had to wait for.

And the Jacksonville radio show didn't call me until after I'd left. They don't pay me. I don't wait more than an hour, especially when I've got things to do. :)

All right...off to lunch...Potbelly's/Starbucks sounds like a plan...

Now, the recap...Friday...came home from work and debated meeting Luis and Monica at one of their friends' houses, but by the time I would have gotten to the party, I would have had to leave pretty soon after, because my cousin's boyfriend was spinning again at Street Side Cafe on Armitage and Kedzie. So I just went there around 10:30. Sat there for an hour by myself, which is OK, until someone I knew got there. Until then, I had nothing else to do but disgust myself and remember just why I thought "Natural Born Killers" is possibly the worst movie ever. Particularly subtitled, since the bar was loud. God, what a bad movie...Street Side was nice and empty, and when Mike started spinning, it was cool...Sat around and talked to my cousin...Dude next to me introduced himself and started talking football and baseball and Chicago with me...he was wondering whether the Sox won or not, and because I knew and was a Sox fan...a REAL South Sider (I kid you not, he said that)...he was happy to talk to me. However, then some chick sat next to him and he started talking to her. Which was fine. There, Barb, there's a random interaction for you... :)

I stuck around there until closing time...no one I invited showed up, but I didn't expect anyone to, since it was all last minute and stuff.

Saturday, I had the Sox game at 12:15...it was 1983 Reunion Weekend, which was cool because the old players were there. Even Tony LaRussa was at the dinner they had a night or two previous, which I thought was cool. I got waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much sun, and my topless torso was probably on national television because a Carl Everett home run was caught by this big dude right in front of me. I was preparing for it to go through his hands. But he made a nice, clean catch. Good for him. :)

After that, I ran home only to head back out to meet Christine, Bob, Sam and Duff for dinner at a Thai restaurant called Penny's Noodle Shop on Diversey and Sheffield and then on to the Pigskin Pub Crawl to meet Julia and Hopper and whoever else was to be at Durkin's. We tried, but couldn't convince Barb to join us. :) The food was great (and I'm not lying, Christine...and you were worried I wasn't psyched about it... :) ), I had some Thai Ravioli dish, which was really, really good, in my opinion, at least. We went to Durkin's at 8, when the pub crawl started, and it was really empty. But by the time I left (I don't even remember when that was), Durkin's was shoulder-to-shoulder people. We bought the pub crawl deal, but never left Durkin's. I mean, hey, I probably drank enough in the time I was there to make up for the price, or at least close to it, so that's OK. And it was well worth it.

Sunday, as you know, I worked, and now today, I'm waiting for a phone call from the Jacksonville radio show I do every Monday. Then, I'm off to look at apartments. Butch has been busting his ass on this apartment search, and I'm glad...I feel bad that I haven't had time to help out in the search, but with work being in-season now, it's kinda tough to call apartments from work. We're gonna go see a bunch this evening and maybe more tomorrow or Wednesday. Depends on what time and whether I can get to the Sox game on time or not. We shall see...there is one apt. I'd really like to check out that's on the docket for tomorrow, so maybe I can get the people to show it to us on Thursday instead. Who knows? All I know is, I'm pretty excited about this, yet nervous that I won't be able to afford it at the same time...without making massive, massive sacrafices in my life. Remember my favorite quote, from Daniel Burnham: "Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood." Well, my blood has been stirred. :)

Anyway, if I need to make sacrafices, like any other time I'll adjust and I'll make do. And that will be just fine with me.

All right. I'm up now...I looked at my last post and boy, it was stream of consciousness. :) Now you know how draining Sundays are at my work...and maybe you understand why I don't actually get to watch much of the games on Sunday even though we get NFL Direct Ticket and can watch whatever game we want. I'm too busy to sit and watch them though, which sucks. But it's a great job...no doubt.

In about 15 minutes, I have to leave for the dentist. Then I come back here, do a radio show in Jacksonville and then most likely go look at some apartments that Butch has set up an appointment for. After that, maybe we'll head to Lindy's to get dinner and catch the Monday-night game. We'll see. I'll see if I'm tired by then.

My brother and I are definitely going to the Sox games tomorrow and Wednesday, assuming they don't sell out in a flash. We have a couple leftover tickets from the season that we didn't get to use or give away, so we're redeeming them for these games. Hopefully it works out and hopefully they win the series against Minnesota, whether we're there or not. Playoff-caliber baseball is exciting...helps me ignore the fact that the Bears completely SUCK.

All right...off to the dentist's drill...cavity-filling time, baby!

Well, here I am, at work. We're actually pretty close to wrapping it up, thankfully. The first long Sunday is always the toughest. I'm tired and my lower back is sore for some reason...it's not like I do any kind of manual labor here at work, so that's odd. But, considering that I got here at noon and will be leaving probably around 3am, well, it's been a long day. Fortunately, there's been work to do, so I've been busy, so really, it's not like I had to sit here and stare at my CPU or struggle to find Web sites to surf or whatever.

Tomorrow I get to wake up whenever and go to the dentist again. Another $115 I don't really have will have to be paid. I knew I should have rescheduled to next Monday, after I get paid. Ah well...I'll just have to survive. :)

This is a huge week for the White Sox, and my brother and I might actually go to a couple games. They have a four-game series at home with the Twins, the team they're currently tied for first with. "Huge" doesn't even begin to describe this series. So it's exciting.

Ah well, I'm tired. My eyes are sleepy and my brain is pretty drained. I have to leave soon and then drive home to Bolingbrook, which is not fun at 3am after a long, long day-night of work. But if things work out apartment-wise, I'll only have to drive to Chicago instead. That will be nice.