I hate when I feel like there's something I could be doing or there's something I want to do but I just don't know what it is. Take today for example. I wake up, and I want to go out and about and do something, but what? And with whom? There's no one. Everyone's either busy or too far away. Then, when I know there's no one to do anything with, I completely lose the motivation to do anything, period. I hate that. :) Unlike Laz, I don't like to sit around and veg out on my days off. I like to get out and do something either fun or constructive after catching up on sleep. But that rarely happens, and I don't care enough about college football to veg out and watch it on Saturdays anyway. Maybe I'll start packing shit up, but I don't even want to do that right now...but I have to start sometime.

I talked to my friends from Missouri, and it won't be another year or so before they can think about moving up here. That's too bad. But one of them is coming up this week to visit one of her longtime friends, so we'll probably hang out at some point, which is cool. Don't know why the guy friend isn't coming with her, since they're dating and he's really only employed freelance or whatever...I guess to save money. That's cool.

Butch just called and told me that the landlord agreed to change the lease-signing date to the 27th, which is fantastic. That means that I can spread the rent over two paychecks, which is what I was planning on doing from the start. Thank God. That means I don't have to borrow money from someone. Thank God.

There's a part of me that fears this move. That fears that this will change my life in a big way, bigger than I can imagine. Better or worse? I don't know. Usually, change is exciting. I like change. But for whatever reason, now I'm not such a fan of change. It just doesn't seem like this will be as much fun as my life has been out here in The Brook because I'm going to have to count every penny. Plus, I fear that some friends I have will simply fall by the wayside because of where I'm living. Yes, I'm moving to a more centrally located spot, but for some of my friends, it's not a good spot. There are a couple of people I really fear will never see my new apartment because they'll never come by. Yes, I know that means they're not really friends or don't care and that I should treat them the way they do me, but they'd never see that, and then they'd get angry when I tell them I can't come to their places all the time. Man...I hate people. :) Am I an idiot for desiring the past? Am I stupid for wishing I could just make things stay the same way they are/were/have been? I guess the dream I had last night, in which my mind rehashed all the good times I've had with a friend of mine kind of put me in this mood. Normally that would have been a good dream and I would have woken up happy. I don't even know why my mind decided to have this dream. But with everything swirling around in my life right now, it did the opposite. The mind is just an amazing thing. Amazing and a pain in the ass. I just think too much. You know that saying, "An idle mind..." well, triple that for me. :)