Well, not that I have to, but maybe I should explain some. There have been a lot of major changes in my life lately, as many of you know. All good things, no doubt. I've been happier, I've probably never felt better about myself, and really, I've never looked better, at least not in a long time. I've gotten no less than two dozen compliments on my clean-shaven-ness and haircut, my appearance in general and just how much upbeat and lively I've been. I haven't weighed myself (I usually don't) lately, but I think I've lost some weight--I'm using the third hole on the belt now, as opposed to the second. :)
Now, that may be a factor of budget-limited eating habits, but whatever. It's a combination of things. Meeting Gina has spurred on some of these differences (I hesitate to call them "changes," you'll understand why in a bit), but my new apartment and living situation has been just as much to credit as that.
I get up more readily because I have to walk the dog, I get more sleep because I'm not driving out to Bolingbrook after I go out (when I do). And I've rarely been late for work because the distance is shorter. Those are the indirect things. Even something so different as not living in a dark, dreary basement has changed me, I believe. My room is cleaner than my apt. in Bolingbrook EVER was, and I haven't woken up in the morning thinking, "Shit, maybe I'll just stay home today," which happened often in Bolingbrook.
My wardrobe is in the process of being overhauled and refreshed, once I get some money, though it is in flux typically anyway. I just feel a lot better about myself. I used the word reinvent in my previous post, but Kim is right--reinvent is not the word. I was telling someone this once, but this person has been inside me all this time. I just never had to or wanted to let that person out--maybe it was a result of where I lived, and the thinking that I didn't want to be comfortable out there--the nomad theory of why completely settle in when I'm leaving here sooner than later? Then, that made me lazy about myself, not just my apt. Now that I'm "settled," I can let the person out. It probably helps that I have a roommate too. But I can be trendy; I can buy wine glasses; I can ask for artwork for Christmas and hang it on my walls; I can decorate for the holidays, etc. None of this was worth my time in The Brook. But now, it's worth it.
Maybe it means Andy is growing up. Maybe it means Andy's just trying to pretend he's growing up. Who knows? But I've not met anyone who didn't like the results thus far.
The problem comes in when you talk about time. I talked to Troy about this, this perception that I had that many of my dearer friends/family seem to be put off by something I did/am doing. He said I was probably not imagining this feeling. Am I neglecting them? In their minds, maybe so. In my mind? Not really. I'm still adjusting to my new place and the new schedule, AND then you throw Gina in the mix, someone I really like and want to be around, and that throws a lot off. Am I complaining? No. Am I preaching patience? Yes and no. There are certain people in my life, yes, who deserve my time. They get as much of it as I can give, and there will be times when time will be short. THOSE people are the ones I expect to understand that, when time becomes available, I'll be back to them.
Did I create this perception that I'd be more out and about once I got into the city? Yeah, probably. I was excited and my excitement probably helped set up unrealistic thoughts of "Andy will now just hang out" and stuff. Has that happened? Well, I know I've hung out with some people more than I did while in The Brook. And I've done my best to hang out with whomever I could. I've also garnered a new group of friends (Starbux Princess, Bob, Duffy, etc.) through PolishBasia, including Gina and her friends, that just happened to hit right as I was moving into the city. So they've been added to folks in need of my time. Am I going to cut anyone out? No. That's the joy of friendship for me--the challenge of trying to fit everyone in. Maybe that's not good enough for some people, I don't know. But for those who do feel neglected, all I can do is say sorry and hope that I'll get more time to give to you down the line, once everything kind of falls into place.
Those who are dearest to me know where they stand and I hope understand where I'm coming from. And if they don't, I don't know what to say or do to make it better...I'm a socialite. I have to have lots of friends and a few close ones in order to thrive. And to be my friend means to share the limelight, but to be comfortable knowing that you can have part of the limelight at any time.
