Do not comment publicly on this post. (all caps for emphasis and notice): FOR THE MOST PART, THIS STUFF HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THOSE OF YOU WHO READ THIS, SINCE I REALLY DON'T SEE MANY OF YOU THAT OFTEN. IF YOU'RE WORRIED, DON'T BE. I just need to blow off some steam. I apologize for the length...

Ya know, there are times, like today, when I'd just like to beat the ever-living shit out of everyone I know and deal with on a mostly-daily basis. My God, I am sooooo sick and tired of being told in one moment that, "Andy, you should have more confidence and self-esteem," but then the next moment I'm a jackass, stupid, that what I say makes no sense, that whatever I suggest/do is wrong or dumb or won't work.

I'm sick and tired of people not acknowledging that, hey, there are some things I know better than they do. And I'm sick and tired of being questioned on everything I do, as though I'm a schoolboy who has never done a damn thing before.

I'm sick and tired of people doing one of two things with me--there's hardly any middle ground, it seems:
(a) They take me to be so serious about things all the time.
(b) They don't take what I have to say or do seriously enough.

I'm sick and tired of people somehow never understanding a thing I say, even though I'm a professional communicator.

I'm sick and tired of people getting pissed off that I can be loud, annoying and a super-take-charge kind of person, but then doing their best to drown me out or disregard anything I have to say or do as menial. Then, when I simply give up and cave to whatever they suggest, they ask me what's wrong.

I'm sick and tired of people saying I'm being so defensive about something when I'm simply completing a thought, but then saying they weren't being defensive when they were doing the same thing.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me I'm always pushing the blame on someone or something else instead of myself, or that I'm putting blinders on to the world or my own so-called major problems, especially when those people are doing the same thing, if not at a worse degree.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me everything that's wrong with me, though I see all the same things in those people. Then, when I try to say anything about it, I'm an idiot--but it's OK for them to say those things to me. I'm the one with the problems, not them.

I'm sick and tired of people not facing their own problems and instead worrying far too much about me and other people, particularly when I (the others) seem to be doing just fine, in some cases better than the person. And if I'm technically not, I'm at least happy with where I am.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me ALL THE TIME to stop bitching, but all *I* hear all day is bitching and whining, with some moaning thrown in for good measure. And it's all about bullshit too.

I'm sick and tired of people trying to understand how I tick, how I can think this way or that, how I can do this or not do that, and be happy with the outcome. I'm tired of them trying and failing to understand that I'm a pretty go-with-the-flow type of person for the most part, though I do like some standard order so we can play by the rules as long as the situation allows.

I'm sick and tired of people not understanding that, really, I don't give a shit about what most people think about me, unless there's really something in it for me. I'll take care of myself and my own. That's that. If it's cold-hearted, well, tough crap. What comes first in my life is my business, and there's nobody out there who can change it. I'm also tired of people telling me that I'm so self-centered, when I bust my ass to do whatever I can for those I love and/or truly care about. And I'm tired of some of those people simply not acknowledging that EVER, or doing the same for me.

I'm sick and tired of people not realizing that, hey, what's good or preferred for you may not be good or preferred for me. I'm also tired of people telling me I'm not open to anything and that I'm close-minded and won't do this or that. That's bullshit. I'll do just about anything at least once, and if I don't want to try it, that doesn't mean I'm fucking close-minded. Being open-minded doesn't mean you do EVERYTHING.

Of course, I guess I'm bitching now. But that's tough. I'm really close to snapping on some people in my life right now, and several of you have seen me when I truly get angry...which reminds me of another thing: I'm tired of not getting any sort of respect from some people--I said above that I don't care what most people think, but to an extent, I'd like to be respected by whomever I come in contact with--not liked, but respected for SOMEthing. And I'm tired of having people take advantage of the fact that I don't usually care when people mock me. It's OK for the most part, but you know what? When you do it constantly and I'm always on the receiving end, it grows a demon. And that reminds me too: I'm sick and tired of the bullshit double-standards that exist in my life. It's OK to mock Andy, but when Andy makes innocent jokes about me, that's not OK, even though everyone else is making comments too. Fuck that. And *I'm* the one with the self-esteem issues? Please.

That is all...I'm going to bed.

Now who has seen/read "The Accidental Tourist?" No one? :)