So, here's a question:
Am I cruel, uncaring and self-centered, or just wise to not meddle in other people's business, friend or foe?

A good friend of mine (Friend A) always "worries" about this other, "lesser" friend (Friend B)...He always bitches about friend b (yes, these are freakin' MEN I'm talking about here) and talks about how friend b's life is just sad and unfortunate, and what will it take for friend b to change and so on and so forth. He does this to me...which, I do care deeply about what friend A says and thinks, and I care about friend b as well. However, my mantra has always been, "It's his life, he can do what he wants, and if there's a serious problem with it, he'll figure it out somehow, or he'll ask me for help."

I thought Friend A would figure this out years ago with another friend of ours who did not attend college and (though never really proven--there was another guy at the time too) a girl pregnant at age 20 or so. Friend A was floored and said this guy was throwing his life away by not going to college and by moving in with her to take care of the kid. He was taking, in my opinion, a very valiant stand by raising the baby girl with the mother as his own, regardless of lineage. I was proud of him for that--showed guts and maturity, and it was something I know I'd have to struggle to figure out at that age. I believe more in supporting what people want to do, so long as it isn't life-threatening, as opposed to telling them they'll fail and they're stupid and whatnot. But Friend A didn't necessarily see that. Now, the friend with the kid is apparently doing just fine for himself, his kid and a second kid that he and his wife(?--don't know if they ever officially married) had recently. I told Friend A, see, I told you he would work things out for himself, and look what he did--and you wanted to crucify him for supposedly throwing his life away. Friend A never could understand why I wouldn't stand up to this guy and tell him what he was doing was not a good idea...even though I didn't think it was not a good idea, it's what he wanted (almost had) to do--so what if he didn't go to college even though he could have gotten a free-ride based on smarts and his home situation. But he's doing just fine.

Now Friend A is all over Friend B and vice-versa. They debated at the bar tonight, and I just sat there and listened and enjoyed their idiocy. They were both making perfectly wonderful points about each other's faults, but neither was listening. When I said, You know, you guys are never going to end this argument, because you're both right and making good points, each one had to get the last word in. Friend A even tried dragging me into it, and I scolded him for it right in front of Friend B, and I told them not to even think about it, because this was between them and had nothing to do with me. Finally they shut up.

Friend B is a little wild (mostly mischievous), but he does nothing really wrong that I've ever seen. In fact, most of the times I've been out with him around, I've had a great time. However, he likes attention and likes to dominate the scene. He also is a playa, if you will...he's got to hit on any waitress or woman that isn't with someone in our group. Sometimes, he can be a total jerk, but that's rare--Friend A doesn't believe so, which is a hypocritical story for another day. Mostly Friend B's just really a friendly guy with a low alcohol tolerance--you couldn't sit there without him coming over to make sure you were having fun. I can adjust (maybe astrology? Gemini) and back off, giving him the scene. But Friend A (strangely enough, also a Gemini) completely clashes with him. He can't seem to get off Friend B's back about this, that or the other thing. I don't know if it's general differences in beliefs on social interaction or what, but I always have to listen to Friend A saying, did you see what Friend B did? What an idiot. Disparaging much of what he does, says or the women he hits on or the people he hangs out with, other than us, of course. That sort of thing. I've told Friend A, who, again is one of my best friends ever, that I don't give a crap and I don't have a problem with friend b. Still, he finds the need to crap on this guy all the time, but it's in this pitiful, charitable, I-feel-the-need-to-change-him kind of way. And I've said, look, let the guy just do what he does and somewhere along the line he'll get it, or he won't and things will be the way they are. If he's not hurting anyone, and really not hurting himself, then who gives a crap?

Now, maybe I'm too easy on Friend B. Friend B has called me drunk at 4 am just to chitchat--annoyance, but is that the worst thing ever? I'll talk to him briefly and then say I need to go to bed and send him on his way--not a big deal, plus he's drunk and not thinking straight--he usually goes away pretty quickly. Friend A would like to string him up for such things, as though everything Friend A does is mightier than thou, an attitude Friend A has had for as long as I've known him--and I've learned to deal with. But maybe that's the case too...the mightier-than-thou attitude and the change-the-world attitude are combined in Friend A, but who am I to say what Friend B (or Friend A) should and shouldn't do? But maybe Friend A's change-the-world attitude is a good one to have as well. I just don't think Friend B is a great place to start, and Friend A doesn't realize that.

Now, you might think that this post means I'm worried about it. I'm not...it's just on my mind because it just happened...plus, I think it's generally interesting.

So yeah...sorry for the long post...hopefully you found it interesting...