From a press release I received today on a new product...this oughta make you New Yorkers out there cringe...bagels and cream cheese in bar form: "For Teen Choice Award’s Host, Paris Hilton, B a g e l e r s will make her life even simpler. Now when it’s time for Tinkerbell’s (Paris’ Dog) morning walk, no messy knife and cream cheese, she just has to grab-and-go!"

Are they kidding? Like Paris Hilton walks her dog...please.

And before you fellow "Simpsons" nuts beat me to it...
"When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I'm told. That's why I'm compressing five pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar!"