In about a month, I'll accept the first award I've received for my personal achievements in my career/schooling since high school. I was awarded by the A S B P E (you can go to their Web site and search for my last name, and you'll find it). Note, I did win an award a couple years ago, but that was part of a team effort. It means a TON, but this means something different, obviously.

I think Laz has posted deep thoughts along these lines before...which makes sense as he's much more of an award-winning journalist than I am, so of course he should have posted about it by now. (I'm serious, Laz.) But, hell, I guess I'll join the fray here. It is, of course, for the record, so when I'm dead and gone, anyone who cares can read all about it. Right?

I don't know how many entered, but it is a big deal to win this thing -- to me, anyway. This award is an even bigger deal for me, personally, as many of you might be able to figure out. Sure, the end result of my college studies certainly never really prevented me from doing fine for myself in the industry, even being outright honest and forthright about it during interviews. I've never lied. I've never said I wasn't lazy. I've never said I didn't make mistakes. But I did always say that, honestly, part of me knew what I was doing. I didn't know what it would have resulted in -- couldn't fathom that. But, if I got through with C's, then I still got the parchment.

But, of course, I've always had this deep down concern that, hey, maybe I was always what they said: a big fish in a small pond growing up. Never had the real dominant talent and outright ability that I displayed in smaller settings with lower standards. NU was the much bigger pond, and then, of course, the real world beyond that was a vast ocean.

After my best friend at work had won the very same award last year (she had taken my previous job when I was promoted), I told Gina that she was lucky I did not enter last year, because I could have easily won the award. I kind of felt that way this year. It was my last chance and that I shouldn't have any trouble winning it. Arrogance? Maybe. But, I've come a long, LONG way even since the days of PFW. I AM pretty arrogant about my abilities when provoked. I need to be, especially now. I think back to what I was doing and where I was going then, and it's a completely different career path and world.

I'm not an awards-driven kind of guy. I'm not going to walk around with this pinned to my shirt and make my minions bow down to me. That's not me. HOWEVER, it is SO NICE to earn some recognition from my peers and some real, honest-to-God, positive reinforcement that, yes, I know what I'm doing and I made the right decision to be where I am now. Sure, five months of unemployment will limit your options when they come knocking on the door. But I was literally one week away from pursuing a job in landscaping, and scrapping journalism altogether. I had a contact and a connection, and with unemployment running out, I was that close.

So, what's the point of this post? Eh, I guess to clear my head of this a bit. Since I was informed I'd won, my stance has softened a bit on what this award means to me truly. To the point where, I submitted about five different articles/designs for my magazine to the annual edit/design awards for that same organization, and if I win in any of those (or my colleagues on my magazine win), I'll be even happier than the award I'm personally getting.

There is simply nothing better than positive reinforcement from a qualified source, I suppose.